he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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