my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
