Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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