even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
