My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
