the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
