At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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