If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
