I didn't shave. On purpose
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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