Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
