please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
