just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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