I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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