I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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