walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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