Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
