The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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