ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
