I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
