But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
