at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize