so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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