My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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