and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
