I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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