Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
