Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
