Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
