You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's shark week go big or go home
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
