u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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