oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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