I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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