we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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