Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
