I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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