i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
