We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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