hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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