You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
