We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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