no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I cockslap morals
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
