they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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