I feel great
I just peed on a car
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Randomize
