M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
