im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
