I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize