U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
