i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
