Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
