i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
