They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
