We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
