woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
