I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
