I will die if light touches me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
