Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
