I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The best revenge is premature balding
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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