I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
