put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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