What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
