Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And then he peed in my hair
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