Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
