oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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