This girl is more easily done than said...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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