Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
