Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
