If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
