you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
