So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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