He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize