Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
