I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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