I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
