We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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