I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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