And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
