Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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