its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I could fuck to npr.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
