i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
