Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
