sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
