Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
